it's that time of year.
new years eve.
time for both reflection on the year that's passed, and looking forward to the year to come.
i don't believe in new years resolutions.
i believe in continually growing & challenging myself.....
....regardless of the date.
2012 has been an interesting year, to say the least.
a lot of growth....a lot of learning
quite possibly the most difficult year of my life.
but at the same time....possibly the most liberating & beneficial year.
yes, I still have a LONG way to go
yes, I will still have my bad days
yes, I still need to learn to love myself
yes, I still need to learn to trust again
but I am grateful for the things I have learned.
I am grateful for the people i've met.
i am proud of how far I have come
i accept my journey & embrace the growth that is still to come
2013 is going to be an exciting and, again, challenging year - but challenging in a positive way
for those who read my last post...you'll no doubt be wanting to know where my path leads next....
i can now make the 'announcement'
this little kiwi is spreading her wings again.
new places
new people
new learning
new adventures
i have accepted a position as Head of Nursery at an international school in China!!!!!!!
i can not contain my excitement!
i am so thankful for the amazing opportunity and it's definitely one that I wasn't going to pass up!
even though our paths may not take the direction we have planned...or imagined...or hoped
sometimes, the unchartered path, the unexpected changes, the so-called 'speed bumps' in life bring the most reward.
just sometimes, the 'spanner in the works' is actually the best thing that could've ever happened to you
it's not what happens to you that matters, but your response to it.
2013 is a year for living my life.
no regrets. just love
x
Sunday, December 30, 2012
Thursday, December 6, 2012
my life. a constant adventure.
So. It seems my life here in Sydney is a transient one.
For what I needed at the time......
An escape from reality
Something new to focus on
New people and places
New self discovery
.....Sydney has been perfect
However, you can't run from your problems forever.
Some day you need to stop, turn around and face them head on.
Smack.
Also...
Sometimes you need to stop trying to do everything on your own
Sometimes you need to surround yourself with your family and friends
Just sometimes, you need a lil bit of help
and I'm not too proud to admit that.
So my next step is to head back across the ditch...back to the homeland...back into those warm, welcoming and loving arms of those who know me best...
But, as with my whole life so far....
....that won't be for long either.
There's another adventure brewing. One that I am so excited about!
And after a lil more healing, and a little bit of mustard, I'll be totally ready to embrace it!
I am adamant that I won't let any amazing opportunity pass me by.
As always, I choose to live with no regrets.
Looking forward. Moving forward, no matter how slowly.
All I need I courage!
After all....life is a journey, not a destination.
No regrets. Just love
Friday, August 31, 2012
why hello, september springtime
winter is officially over.
well, according to the calendar anyway.
i love spring. i love the crisp mornings and the beautiful sunny days.
i love the blossoms.
i love the symbolism of new life.
new beginnings.
i love knowing that summer is just around the corner.
sitting in the sun this morning, enjoying a freshly brewed coffee with my flatmate, i had a sense of happiness. a sort of bliss. a sense of being okay with where i am right now. nearly, and i emphasise nearly, a sense of feeling settled.
and it felt good.
new season - on the calendar.
new season - in my life.
who knows what the next season will hold for me.
but i'm excited.
and i'm ready for it.
no regrets. just love
well, according to the calendar anyway.
i love spring. i love the crisp mornings and the beautiful sunny days.
i love the blossoms.
i love the symbolism of new life.
new beginnings.
i love knowing that summer is just around the corner.
sitting in the sun this morning, enjoying a freshly brewed coffee with my flatmate, i had a sense of happiness. a sort of bliss. a sense of being okay with where i am right now. nearly, and i emphasise nearly, a sense of feeling settled.
and it felt good.
new season - on the calendar.
new season - in my life.
who knows what the next season will hold for me.
but i'm excited.
and i'm ready for it.
no regrets. just love
Saturday, August 18, 2012
mantra. made permanent
so. the title of this blog is 'no regrets. just love'
what does that mean to me?
yes. it is a line from a cheesy and catchy katy perry tune. i'm a not-so-secret lover of pop. what can i say. i'm an 80s girl. no apologies there.
but it was those 4 words that stood out to me back in 2010.
back then, they resonated with me because of my depression.
now, they resonate for different reasons.
regardless of the why behind it - those 4 words still speak deeply to me.
life is a journey. a roller-coaster, if you will.
you can't predict what is going to happen. you can't change what has passed.
all you can do is live your life the best you can. live with no regrets. no 'what ifs'.
live a life you can be proud of.
and through the journey, you have to love. as much as you can.
love yourself. the most important (as I am still learning)
love those who love you
love those who hurt you.
because, ultimately, everyone comes in to your life for a reason.
everyone has lessons to teach you.
it's up to you whether you learn those lessons. or not.
i am still learning a lot. about life. about love. about me.
but i am learning. and growing. and that's the main thing.
i don't regret anything that has happened in my life. even the things that have made me cry.
i am grateful for the good times. the best times. the happy times.
the memories that i have of the past.
the memories that make me smile when i think of them.
especially the people who have been a part of those memories.
i am grateful, also, for the hard times.
the memories i sometimes wish i could forget.
the memories i sometimes wish never happened.
even the people who have broken my heart.
for everything that has happened is part of who i am.
and i am learning to love who that is.
even with the scars.
you only live once.
and i intend to live my life.
i intend to feel every feeling that i can.
the love.
the hurt.
the laughter.
the pain.
as a reminder, as if i could ever forget, i decided to get my mantra forever inked to my skin.
There's nothing for you to become, just to realise who you are - Joseph Clough.
I hope you live a life you're proud of. -F. Scott Fitzgerald
I myself don't have amazingly memorable or quotable words to express how important one's journey is, or how paramount it is to love yourself - no matter your scars....
all i can do is share with you my journey. my lessons.
and tell you that your journey is amazing.
no matter your scars.
no matter your battles.
no matter your hurts or your joys.
you are enough.
no regrets. just love.
what does that mean to me?
yes. it is a line from a cheesy and catchy katy perry tune. i'm a not-so-secret lover of pop. what can i say. i'm an 80s girl. no apologies there.
but it was those 4 words that stood out to me back in 2010.
back then, they resonated with me because of my depression.
now, they resonate for different reasons.
regardless of the why behind it - those 4 words still speak deeply to me.
life is a journey. a roller-coaster, if you will.
you can't predict what is going to happen. you can't change what has passed.
all you can do is live your life the best you can. live with no regrets. no 'what ifs'.
live a life you can be proud of.
and through the journey, you have to love. as much as you can.
love yourself. the most important (as I am still learning)
love those who love you
love those who hurt you.
because, ultimately, everyone comes in to your life for a reason.
everyone has lessons to teach you.
it's up to you whether you learn those lessons. or not.
i am still learning a lot. about life. about love. about me.
but i am learning. and growing. and that's the main thing.
i don't regret anything that has happened in my life. even the things that have made me cry.
i am grateful for the good times. the best times. the happy times.
the memories that i have of the past.
the memories that make me smile when i think of them.
especially the people who have been a part of those memories.
i am grateful, also, for the hard times.
the memories i sometimes wish i could forget.
the memories i sometimes wish never happened.
even the people who have broken my heart.
for everything that has happened is part of who i am.
and i am learning to love who that is.
even with the scars.
you only live once.
and i intend to live my life.
i intend to feel every feeling that i can.
the love.
the hurt.
the laughter.
the pain.
as a reminder, as if i could ever forget, i decided to get my mantra forever inked to my skin.
There's nothing for you to become, just to realise who you are - Joseph Clough.
I hope you live a life you're proud of. -F. Scott Fitzgerald
I myself don't have amazingly memorable or quotable words to express how important one's journey is, or how paramount it is to love yourself - no matter your scars....
all i can do is share with you my journey. my lessons.
and tell you that your journey is amazing.
no matter your scars.
no matter your battles.
no matter your hurts or your joys.
you are enough.
no regrets. just love.
Saturday, July 28, 2012
"small bump"
So.
Today has been a day of highs and lows.
The weather has been been beautiful, although a lil cold, here in Sydney. I got out for a walk around the bay near where I live and soaked up some delicious sunshine and inhaled the 'fresh' air.
I had a great skype convo with someone I'm missing badly right now...a convo that made me smile. a LOT
and then, i settled in for a lazy sunday avo watching some tele....and internetting.
I came across this blog from ZMs Polly. I was tempted not to read it, as I had an idea it would stir up emotions inside me I didn't want to feel...but I read it anyway
of course....emotions welled.
everything she said is true. it doesn't matter how far along you are, having a miscarriage is devastating.
what also stirred a different emotion in me was reading about how supportive her husband Grant was during her experiences. how he grieved with her. it wasn't just her going through the journey alone.
I think I realised, that my miscarriage was when my depression really hit me. Not only was I struggling with all the emotions and questions that come with 'losing' a baby, and all those dreams being shattered. But I was also trying to deal with it alone...without the support of my partner. In fact, the more I think about it, the more I realise that he actually just never even cared.
That realisation hurts.
For those who don't already know, the changes that have happened for me over the past few months have been relating to my marriage. it ended at Christmas last year. he decided we were better off as 2 individuals, not husband and wife anymore.
One of the comments that people often make when they find out (and when they find out, or if they already know, about my miscarriage) is "well, just as well you don't have any kids together"
Is it really? yes, I know that separation and divorce when kids are involved CAN be messy and can be difficult, but does that outweigh the fact that the only thing I've ever wanted in life is to be a mummy? the fact that I still miss that precious baby that never made it. that I still notice something missing in my life?
i know that miscarriage is a common experience for most women in their lives. but that doesn't make it hurt less.
i know that marriage breakdown is also (very sadly) a common experience for a lot of people in this day and age. but that doesn't make it hurt less.
everyone's journey is their own. this is a part of mine.
all i know is you have to learn from your experiences.
so what can i learn from this?
well, i can't decide whether or not the next baby i conceive will make it into this world.
but i can decide one thing:
the next person i choose to be with is going to be someone who i know will support me through anything. someone who will journey through the experience with me. someone who will not leave me to deal with it on my own.
that i CAN choose.
no regrets. just love
Today has been a day of highs and lows.
The weather has been been beautiful, although a lil cold, here in Sydney. I got out for a walk around the bay near where I live and soaked up some delicious sunshine and inhaled the 'fresh' air.
I had a great skype convo with someone I'm missing badly right now...a convo that made me smile. a LOT
and then, i settled in for a lazy sunday avo watching some tele....and internetting.
I came across this blog from ZMs Polly. I was tempted not to read it, as I had an idea it would stir up emotions inside me I didn't want to feel...but I read it anyway
of course....emotions welled.
everything she said is true. it doesn't matter how far along you are, having a miscarriage is devastating.
what also stirred a different emotion in me was reading about how supportive her husband Grant was during her experiences. how he grieved with her. it wasn't just her going through the journey alone.
I think I realised, that my miscarriage was when my depression really hit me. Not only was I struggling with all the emotions and questions that come with 'losing' a baby, and all those dreams being shattered. But I was also trying to deal with it alone...without the support of my partner. In fact, the more I think about it, the more I realise that he actually just never even cared.
That realisation hurts.
For those who don't already know, the changes that have happened for me over the past few months have been relating to my marriage. it ended at Christmas last year. he decided we were better off as 2 individuals, not husband and wife anymore.
One of the comments that people often make when they find out (and when they find out, or if they already know, about my miscarriage) is "well, just as well you don't have any kids together"
Is it really? yes, I know that separation and divorce when kids are involved CAN be messy and can be difficult, but does that outweigh the fact that the only thing I've ever wanted in life is to be a mummy? the fact that I still miss that precious baby that never made it. that I still notice something missing in my life?
i know that miscarriage is a common experience for most women in their lives. but that doesn't make it hurt less.
i know that marriage breakdown is also (very sadly) a common experience for a lot of people in this day and age. but that doesn't make it hurt less.
everyone's journey is their own. this is a part of mine.
all i know is you have to learn from your experiences.
so what can i learn from this?
well, i can't decide whether or not the next baby i conceive will make it into this world.
but i can decide one thing:
the next person i choose to be with is going to be someone who i know will support me through anything. someone who will journey through the experience with me. someone who will not leave me to deal with it on my own.
that i CAN choose.
no regrets. just love
Monday, June 4, 2012
explore. discover
So...hello! This post comes to you from my new home in Sydney, Australia!
3 weeks down and so far, so good. The move went well. I'm settling in and getting out exploring this fabulous (and freaking HUGE) city. I'm enjoying time with my new roomie and getting to know her better (and her wonderful, crazy friends). Me (left) & my roomie (right)
I've had some fun doing what I love maybe a little too much (those of you who know me will know that I'm talking about shopping)
I've relaxed in Hamilton Island and been snorkeling at the Great Barrier Reef. An absolute MUST! so amazing!
I've had a fleeting visit from my bestest lady on her way home from China and I've caught up with a beautiful friend from back home who has called Sydney her home for 2 years.
After a bit of down time, I've gotten stuck in to creating my life here - I've bought a car, been applying for jobs and learning to find my way around. 4 interviews down (one of which was a 2nd interview), 2 job offers so far - but the one I really want is still to get back to me. Fingers crossed!!! (obvious slight change to original plan, for those of you who know me)
I have found what could just be my favourite spot in Sydney so far. i am so grateful to new friends for sharing the spot with me....take a look. so peaceful, relaxing, and reminds me a little of home. Introducing: Nielsen Park...
i really feel like this move has definitely been the right thing for me right now. i am relishing the new adventures and the new challenges...and rediscovering ME.
i am learning more about my own strengths. my own passions. my own dreams and hopes.
who i am and what really makes me tick
Sydney is still so undiscovered to me. there is still so much to see and do! that is really exciting to me. it's refreshing and reviving. it's uplifting.
i'm looking forward to many more new friends and experiences.
for once, i feel like i am in the right place at the right time.
this is definitely an important chapter in my journey.
no regrets. just love
3 weeks down and so far, so good. The move went well. I'm settling in and getting out exploring this fabulous (and freaking HUGE) city. I'm enjoying time with my new roomie and getting to know her better (and her wonderful, crazy friends). Me (left) & my roomie (right)
I've had some fun doing what I love maybe a little too much (those of you who know me will know that I'm talking about shopping)
I've relaxed in Hamilton Island and been snorkeling at the Great Barrier Reef. An absolute MUST! so amazing!
I've had a fleeting visit from my bestest lady on her way home from China and I've caught up with a beautiful friend from back home who has called Sydney her home for 2 years.
After a bit of down time, I've gotten stuck in to creating my life here - I've bought a car, been applying for jobs and learning to find my way around. 4 interviews down (one of which was a 2nd interview), 2 job offers so far - but the one I really want is still to get back to me. Fingers crossed!!! (obvious slight change to original plan, for those of you who know me)
I have found what could just be my favourite spot in Sydney so far. i am so grateful to new friends for sharing the spot with me....take a look. so peaceful, relaxing, and reminds me a little of home. Introducing: Nielsen Park...
i really feel like this move has definitely been the right thing for me right now. i am relishing the new adventures and the new challenges...and rediscovering ME.
i am learning more about my own strengths. my own passions. my own dreams and hopes.
who i am and what really makes me tick
Sydney is still so undiscovered to me. there is still so much to see and do! that is really exciting to me. it's refreshing and reviving. it's uplifting.
i'm looking forward to many more new friends and experiences.
for once, i feel like i am in the right place at the right time.
this is definitely an important chapter in my journey.
no regrets. just love
Thursday, March 22, 2012
hello stranger
wow. it HAS been a while.
my life has taken on a new direction since my last post.
changes.
big changes.
as hard as things have been, the excitement of what the future holds is now starting to take over.
new beginnings.
2012. the year of taking risks. the year of no regrets. the year of love - mostly learning to love myself.
i haven't been well this week, and am really needing to crawl into bed right now....but i just wanted to do a post. at least a short one. get back into the blogging groove.
i want to focus my posts this year on all the exciting and new adventures i will be experiencing.
i'd love for you to come along for the ride.
i am searching for inspiration all around me. there is so much beauty to see. so much to be grateful for. these are a few of my fave pics at the mo....
i've also got back into my photography. my first awesome shoot for the year was with the lovely Moodle (AKA Maz), her gorgeous girl Ashlee and the baby giraffe growing inside her. love this pic.
so, welcome to my 2012 journey.
it's gonna be quite a ride :)
life is too short to be caught up on what's been.
i wanna focus on what's to come.
no regrets. just love
my life has taken on a new direction since my last post.
changes.
big changes.
as hard as things have been, the excitement of what the future holds is now starting to take over.
new beginnings.
2012. the year of taking risks. the year of no regrets. the year of love - mostly learning to love myself.
i haven't been well this week, and am really needing to crawl into bed right now....but i just wanted to do a post. at least a short one. get back into the blogging groove.
i want to focus my posts this year on all the exciting and new adventures i will be experiencing.
i'd love for you to come along for the ride.
i am searching for inspiration all around me. there is so much beauty to see. so much to be grateful for. these are a few of my fave pics at the mo....
true story.
as simple as that.
i'm ready for it!
not always what i wanna hear, but encouraging
i've also got back into my photography. my first awesome shoot for the year was with the lovely Moodle (AKA Maz), her gorgeous girl Ashlee and the baby giraffe growing inside her. love this pic.
so, welcome to my 2012 journey.
it's gonna be quite a ride :)
life is too short to be caught up on what's been.
i wanna focus on what's to come.
no regrets. just love
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