i am home.
literally.
living back home with the parentals.
in my home town.
it feels good
but it's also a bit scary
....there are lots of 'demons' to face being back here again.
something that has been weighing on my mind lately is why good things always seem to happen to bad people.
yet good people seem to get continuously crapped on
i'm not purely bleating away about my own problems here. although, sometimes - i'll admit it - i definitely think it.
i wonder 'am i really such a bad person that this bad stuff keeps happening to me?'
but then i remind myself that i have a LOT to be thankful for.
things to look forward to.
i remind myself, again and again, i am FREE to be ME - and that in itself is a blessing!
this 'good people get crapped on' thing happens all around me. daily.
it doesn't seem fair to watch people who are knowingly 'rotten eggs' seem to get everything they've ever wanted.
be successful.
find love.
find their form of happiness - no matter how shallow it is or who they've had to hurt to get it.
yet people who just ooze goodness and are a gift to all those they come into contact with, seem to get hammered with bad news, tough times, not getting what they want/need or getting what they don't want, and just all round general crap.
there are plenty of bad people who seem to have it all.
and it frustrates the s*%# out of me.
when i turned 30, i wrote a list of 30 things i wanted to do and be in my life from now on.
number 30 was this:
30) I will love others more, even those who hurt me or disappoint me.
since coming back home, that last one has been smacking me in the face daily.
it is a really hard thing to do.
there are days when i wonder why i should?
why do they deserve it if they can't treat me well?
why should i wish them well in their life?
why should i waste my love on them?
the answer is simple.
it's not about them!
i shouldn't waste my energy on negative thoughts or hate towards them.
holding on to hurt and anger only affects one person.
me.
and i am too precious and too awesome and too full of love and hope to be weighed down with anger.
yes, loving someone who hurts you is fully hard!
but wishing well for those who hurt you shows your strong character and spirit.
you will not be broken.
i will not be broken.
there are plenty of days when i feel i can't love those who have hurt me
but then i stop and think...
actually,
i can
loving others is just another way to build your own happiness.
having hate or anger or hurt just clutters up what space there is for your smiles
i am no longer pinning my happiness on others.
how they treat me now or how they treated me in the future.
only one person can truly determine your happiness.
and that's yourself
it's your decision, every morning, to wake up and say
today is a good day,
and i am going to be happy!!!
no regrets. just love
