perfect present

so. my sister Kylie is super amazing at buying presents.

she is the kind of present buyer who always gets the perfect present.

she thinks her presents through really well - and it's always something different, but so spot on.

she got me this present. i got it in the mail today.

the note attached said

"Hi honey!

Just a little something to keep you occupied on a quiet night..."

which is perfect. seeing as i have so many quiet nights now without my mister.

and perfect in a second way too. i love paris. to pieces. literally - seeing as i have a paris jigsaw to do.

thanks for the thoughtful present, my dear sister. you do spoil me. and i am grateful.

thank you for being you.

positive thinking...

so, instead of being sad today, thinking about how much i miss my mister...

i decided to think positively about the sitch.

I am going to be grateful for the fact that I have someone special in my life that i love.

I am going to be thankful that I have a mister to miss.

I am going to be glad that there is someone out there who misses me just as much.

every cloud has a silver lining.

i am trying to find mine.

so far. so good.

i'm gonna make my silver lining extra sparkly :)

weekend..

this weekend has been full of ups and downs.

friday was meant to be the day i said goodbye to my mister.

but, delightfully, we were given another day together cos his work changed their mind on where they were sending him.

so. we got friday as a bonus.

saturday a.m was an early one. 5am awake. finalise packing. then i dropped him at the shuttle place in town.

tearful goodbye.

saying goodbye is hard. it never gets easier. 3 months apart is hard.

but this is all part of my journey. our journey. our life at the moment.

it's not forever.

i can't wait for the day when he comes home for good and there will be no more sad goodbyes.

countdown is on now....until i see my mister again.

but then i spent some time with some friends, which lifted my spirits.

laughs, great food, wine. was great to take my mind off the lonely times ahead.

tonight, though, my heart is lonely.

i look at the la-z-boy where he usually sits.

but he's not there.

i really REALLY hope these months go fast.

christmas is coming.

i just hope it hurries the frick up!

Such a Lovely Day (Explored!)

Such a Lovely Day (Explored!), originally uploaded by Abbey & Chloe.

Beautiful Butterfly :)

Beautiful Butterfly :), originally uploaded by Abbey & Chloe.

i love dr suess

Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is youer than you.

Dr. Seuss

Glowing Jars Filled of Hope [plus two!] (SOOC)

Glowing Jars Filled of Hope [plus two!] (SOOC), originally uploaded by MadSnapz Photography.

[ Relax ]

[ Relax ], originally uploaded by bonnix (Scotty).

Day 358 (9-22-10)

Day 358 (9-22-10), originally uploaded by Logomogohogo.

Day 14 of 365: The Sun Through My Window Says...

Day 14 of 365: The Sun Through My Window Says..., originally uploaded by tumbleweed.in.eden {cararosephotos}.

Loves Reflection

Loves Reflection, originally uploaded by Beautiful82805.

flikr faves friday (here comes the sun)

http://www.flickr.com/photos/sandifer/5019746484/in/photostream/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/cararosephotos/4987245902/in/photostream/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/bobbywhatley/5016571988/in/photostream/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/starprod/4966811937/in/photostream/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/madsnapzphotography/4855825316/in/photostream/

these are my 5 faves from flikr.....

just joined :)

song of the moment

sometimes there comes a song.

a song that you just love

a song that speaks to you

and you sing back.

a song that keeps getting repeated.

over.

and over.

and over.

yet, you never get sick of it

you still love it.

this is that song for me at the moment.

"All these friends of mine"

by Lisa Crawley.

i love it.

the lyrics.

the melody.

the quirky fun change in tempo at the end.

the instruments used.

just ♥ it!

find her stuff here

lyrics:

you can have all my things

i'm setting sail

don't know where i will go

it'll be far away

you'll know when i get there

you'll see me smile

might take a while

but i'll smile....

you can take all these friends

cos i'm traveling alone

they are wonderful

so look after them well

each one's different

as you'll learn in time

i'm so proud of these

friends of mine

you can take my TV

cos i'm looking elsewhere

don't quite know where

but it'll be nowhere here

it'll take me forward

and not 2 steps back

i'm done

with looking back

i love music i can fall in love with.

music that inspires me.

i know when i'm happy cos i'm singing.

if i'm not singing along, then something's wrong.

this song makes me wanna sing.

a year of change...

today I was a bit bored on my break at work.

i was searching through my phone, and found a note that I had written almost a year ago.

i was a bit shocked. but i (unfortunately) remember feeling all of the things that i read.

it was a list of how i was feeling right after i was diagnosed with depression.

emptiness

unable to make deep connections, even with 'closest friends'

feeling of not belonging - anywhere

feeling of not being enough....good enough, funny enough, beautiful enough, etc.

feeling numb

lost sense of humour

feeling overwhelmed

feeling trapped in my own life

feeling like i just want out!

overwhelming sense of sadness

taking a long time to recover after any event (eg wedding, birthday, etc)

hard to shake the 'blues'.

i definitely remember a lot of those feelings. which is sad. considering who I used to be.

but. I can say that MOST of those feelings have either been chased away completely, or are more manageable now than they were a year ago.

i have made changes. some have hurt.

all have been necessary.

and i am proud of the leaps and bounds i have taken to get where i am today.

hopefully, the words from last year will be some enlightenment. depression is so hard to understand if you've never had it. it's so hard to really explain the depth of the darkness. and it is definitely NOT something you would wish someone could experience just so they would understand.

I'm determined not to go back to how things were a year ago.

onwards and upwards

new beginnings are the cure for bad endings.

i'm done with looking back.

time for me...

tonight, i let the Mister worry about dinner.

i ran myself a HUGE bath....with bubbles...(and it is a spa bath too...extra bliss)

i soaked, and read my book.

no thinking about anything but relaxing and the words on the pages.

i should do that more often.

time for me. time to enjoy life.

not to always be so busy.

time to relax.

it's something we all need to do more of.

life is too short.

live it

love it

a treat for me....

so... i decided to treat myself.

don't worry. i didn't splurge and break the piggy bank.

but i did buy myself something new.

those who know me best can probably guess what it would be.

yep. new shoes!

just cheapies, but i think they're stunning. fabulous. fun.

love them :)

gym-tastic

so. today begins the active journey for me.

went back to the gym for the first time in, like, well...um. I forget.

My personal trainer was surprised that i actually turned up.

that can't be good. ha.

but i went. motivation to actually get there is what kills me.

so i'm not gonna let it.

i'm gonna get off my backside and do something physical.

my motivation now?

some would think - summer is coming.

but that's not it.

getting active enough that i don't need my meds.

that's my motivation.

oh, and the fact that maybe if i start looking good then maybe my Mister will get motivated too. haha. love you hunny. just as you are. you know that. x

so i managed 45 mins at the gym today. which was super fab seeing as i hadn't been in ages.

and what's better -

i actually felt amazing afterwards.

like i always do after a workout

this blog is going to be my accountability. i'm going to go more than just once a week for my P.T sesh. I'm gonna actually go on my own time. cos i want to. not cos someone is making me.

hmm...let's see how this goes.

innocent discovery

i just love the innocence in this pic.

the excitement of discovering what lies beneath.

the amazement. from something so simple.

my niece is one of my inspirations.

her energy and delight in every day things.

simple things.

i wanna be more like her

soul food

i find a lot of inspirational images and words at the day dream a ling blog.

great work

it's the little things...

it's the little moments that make life great.

last night, the winds were crazy. the rain was pouring.

the 'squally' storm hit.

my mister and I dragged our mattress off our bed

into the lounge

and slept the night in front of the fire.

it was bliss.

warm.

snuggly.

i felt safe.

despite the rage that was going on outside.

one of my faves

this quote is awesome.

i definitely love it.

mind-set

‎"How does one become a butterfly?" she asked.

"You must want to fly

so much

that you are willing to give up

being a caterpillar." Anonymous

this is it. i've got to really want it.

no more playing the victim.

no more 'suffering' with depression.

from now on,

i'm BATTLING with depression.

I'm gonna be a fighter.

And I'm gonna win.

inspiration

people from my life become my inspiration.

some from the past.

some from the present.

no doubt, and hopefully, in my future.

My main inspirational character throughout my life was my Granddad.

A truly selfless man. Saw the light in every situation.

A man of faith. uncompromising. regardless.

an inspirational person from my present is my sister Kylie.

a life of ups and downs, wins and losses. she is a survivor.

nothing anyone has said or done has kept her down.

in her personal life. or her business life.

she is a fighter.

her creativity has flourished and is now evident as her beautiful jewellery range - ReallyReally Design, which you can see here

i am forever proud of her achievements. and she inspires me to keep going.

first installment of many. i have a number of inspirations.

i guess in that i am truly blessed.

dReams

that's the way it is with dreams.

they scratch at your door.

you see them through the peephole:

a stray dream looking for a home.

you think it might go away if you ignore it.

wrong.

it's still there when you open the door.

smiling.

wagging its tail.

i have dreams of being the 'old me'. now i realise i need to dream forward, not backwards.

i dream about the 'new me'. the improved version.

the happy me.

i know it's possible.

things i love

friends that text you randomly during the day. with a cute little message that makes you smile.

having friends that feel like family, and family that feel like friends.

bright pink nail polish.

new shoes.

florals.

a huge handbag full of crap. you never know what you might pull out.

travels to visit friends and family.

shopping.

cuddles with mama, even tho i'm too big to sit on her knee now.

bicycles. with baskets. and ring-a-ling bells.

singing in the car. loud. and not caring who is watching at the lights.

thought for today

i am not depressed.
it doesn't own me.
it doesn't make me who i am


i have depression.
there's a difference.



it just sucks that it's such a crappy thing to have.
would rather just have a cold. or a headache.


today, i will focus on seeing the positive in every situation. instead of always finding the negative and feeling like i've failed.

first ever blog post

hey. so this is my first blog post ever. weird. but good.

this blog is dedicated to finding beauty in the world again. after a year of suffering with depression, i've decided I need some extra motivation - and a place to work through things. who knows, maybe I could even help someone else?

this is a space for dream words. love words. made up words, flying words, fall down and get up words. i want to get to know the sound of my inner voice. i want to be creative. i want to be generous. i want to be bold.

after all. "life is not about finding yourself. life is about creating yourself" - George Bernard Shaw.

welcome to my journey. no regrets. just love.

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