last day...

so, today is my last day of vacay. tonight i get back on that tin bird and wing my way back to the land of the long white cloud. i have to be honest. a big part of me is super amped about going back home - to the warmth of summer, to see my niece and nephew, see friends and family again. but of course there is a little part of me that is sad to leave the mister and my relaxing time of having nothing i have to do and nowhere i have to be.

the time has gone so quickly! doesn't it always?
i've not really done much, but i have had a good time.
explored vegesack (a bit), taken some pics, been to bremen, been to hamburg, made new friends, enjoyed good food and wine, tried a 'vodka ahoy' and have the ingredients to bring home to share this delight with everyone back there. haha
i've experienced a traditional bavarian buffet lunch, accompanied by a yummy german beer.
i've been shopping (my fave thing to do)
i've slept in almost every morning
i've discovered the delicious butterbrezel
i've had a late night bratwurst after a few drinks
i've spent time with my husband, which has been great - and obviously was the main reason for the vacay.
i've even picked up a few german words along the way.

i know i'm going to have a shock when i get home. the weather is going to be completely different. but i'm ready for it! i'm ready for some sun and beach time.
there's really no place like home.
i'm a true kiwi and always will be. a true kiwi always returns back to the homeland.
NZ really is the best place in the world.
NZ - here i come! can't wait

i'll leave you with two more pics from my wanderings around vegesack.

the buried life….

so, there have been a few days here in Vegesack where the weather has been less than ideal and i've found myself with nothing else to do but snuggle up in the hotel room with lollies, diet coke, and a movie from Rhys's harddrive. so much so that i ran out of movies i was actually interested in watching (his collection looks a lot different to what mine would look like).

i discovered a show on MTV website that i've been watching quite a bit over the last few days. The Buried Life. it's awesome. a group of canadian boys who wanted to live their life while they were alive. and wanted to prove that anything is possible if you really set your mind to it.
they created a list of the 100 things they want to do before they die. and they have a flipping blast crossing things off the list. it's a good watch, but also inspirational too. for every thing they cross off their list, they help someone else cross something off theirs. some moving moments.

it has made me think - crikey! i'm turning 30 in 2 years! yikes. have i done all the things that i had hoped i'd do? when i was younger, 30 seemed soooooo old and sooooooooo long away. i always thought i'd have a family by now and be well settled down. i've got the husband. but at the mo, that's as far as my little family unit goes. I have packed a lot into my 28 years, but are there things that i've wanted to do but never had the guts? haha..probably. i am possibly the world's biggest woose (i never know how to spell that word - just looked it up online. apparently you can write it woose, wuss, or wussy. there you go).

there are definitely things i want to do but never think i would actually go through with.
so, you know what i'm thinking?

i'm going to make a list of the 30 things i want to do before i turn 30.

#1 - perform in a stage musical
#2 - do a photography course
#3 - go sky-diving
#4 - start business with Kylie
#5 - go to New York
#6 - do a make-up course
#7 - go to the Melbourne Races
#8 - sell my first photograph - to someone i don't know :)
#9 - sit my Grade 8 piano exam
#10 - be off my meds completely
#11 - help build a home for Habitat for Humanity
#12 - have been to 30 concerts in my life (so far i've been to 6, sad huh?)
#13 - go skinny dipping
#14 - swim with sharks (well, at least cage diving anyway)
#15 - go scuba diving again (i haven't been for 6 years!)
#16 - learn french, enough to hold a decent conversation
#17 - compete in and finish a half marathon
#18 - write a letter to all the people in my life that i am close to, telling them what i appreciate about each    
       of them
#19 - learn a new sport
#20 - learn to surf (and NOT be scared of the sharks)
#21 - get back into dancing.  i will find a class and attend it - regularly.
#22 - lose 10kgs
#23 - have an overseas holiday with my 2 sisters
#24 - treat my bestie to something amazing (that she really needs)
#25 - set up an album where i take and print one picture every day - showing a highlight from that day
#26 - start writing a book
#27 - go on a Volunteer holiday with the hubby
#28 - be able to bait my own hook (this is one for the hubby, he'll be so please, haha)
#29 - donate $500 to a local charity
#30 - have a baby (or at least get pregnant by the time i'm 30)


so. that was harder than i thought it was going to be. writing a list of things i want to do before i die would have been a bit easier. but then, i guess, we never know when we're going to die.

i leave Germany tomorrow, land back in Aotearoa on Thursday. next week my 30 before 30 mission begins. who knows, if i achieve all of these things before 30, i might even keep going and lengthen my list to 100 things to do before i die.

we need to live our life while we are alive. otherwise what's the point?
get some direction. i've got mine now.


so…what is the one main thing you want to do before you die?

Success

so, yesterday i went exploring in Bremen. new place.
i went with 2 girls i had only just met. new people.

and you know what? i actually had a GREAT time!
i didn't worry about what they thought of me.
i didn't worry about trying to 'fit' in….finding something to talk about wasn't hard.
i was actually just myself, and we seemed to get on fine!

i know it probably sounds ridiculous that i'm buzzing out over something so simple…
but it really was a big thing for me. we had to go on the train for half an hour to bremen, then spent 3 hours there, walking, mooching in shops, lunching at a traditional bavarian restaurant. i was out of my comfort zone. without my comfort of the mister. and i did fine!

i was relaxed. i enjoyed the time. i enjoyed the conversations. i enjoyed the experience.

all in all i came home one happy girl. i was excited to tell the mister how well the day had gone.
lame, i know. i'm 27 and find it hard to relax around new people. i still get shy and nervous.
but, for me, yesterday was huge progress.
yay for me! haha

i also managed to squeeze in some quick snaps.

the future...

a blog response to yesterday's blog.
a conversation with myself. yes. but important.


so yesterday i was a bit upset about the past coming back to haunt me. i let that take over my mind for a bit.
my bad.

after heading out for some fun and mingling with the mister and his 'friends', i felt a lot better.
this morning, i woke up and decided to force myself to focus on something different.
the future.
the past is done. it's over. it's goneburger.
ain't nothing i can do to change it or the way i dealt with stuff before.

all i can do is look forward. look at how to deal with my emotions now and in the future. work on how to handle tricky situations that may arise. re-learn how to throw that punch back.

right now, i have a lot to be thankful for.
yes, i still have times when i feel ripped off, like i pulled the short straw, like life is a struggle.
but if i really look at my life, it's not all that bad.

i have a husband who loves me and wants me in his life.
i have a family who are always there for me no matter what. and who i actually enjoy spending time with.
i have the CUTEST and most precious niece and nephew who i simply adore.
i am currently in Germany experiencing something new.
i have been given so many opportunities to travel and broaden my horizons. some of those opportunities i had to work hard for. others i have been blessed with by various people in my life.
i have amazing friends. lots of friends i don't keep in regular contact with, but i know will always be 'just like old times' when we catch up. other friends i consider my closest ones - the ones who truly know me and still love me anyway. the ones i can be myself with - and i actually have a blast. with them, being me is actually enough. you know who you are.
i may not be the prettiest or the skinniest specimen out there, but at least i have eyes to see the beauty in the world. i have legs to take me places. i have ears to hear the sounds around me - some wonderful, some super annoying, but sounds nonetheless.
i have a heart that is open. sometimes too open, and that's how i get hurt. but it's open. and i wouldn't have it any other way. i have compassion for others. i have tolerance for others. and i know that's a good thing in a world of hate and racism and intolerance. i have love to give.

so. yeah. life isn't that bad. in fact, today, i would even venture as far as to say that life is good.
today, life is good.
tomorrow, if i stay focused and positive, life will be even better.


i'm off to Bremen today, to explore something new with some of the girls from the boat. new people. new sights.
this is me - waaaaaaaaaay out of my comfort zone.
exciting.
life.
let's do this.

the past...

so. we all know that we can't change the past. 

we have to just do the best we can to deal with it, and leave it behind.

sometimes, though, no matter how well you think you've dealt with something - there it is again *BAM* and it's smacked you on the side of the head again.

it's not so much the past that gives you a whack. but the stab you feel when you realize that, just maybe, you haven't dealt with it completely. that whack causes cracks…then you start to doubt that you've actually really left it in the past.

this was me, yesterday. just one word is all it took. *BAM* there i was - practically K.O'd by it. shook me for a minute. then i snapped out of it. it wasn't until later, when i was lying awake in bed, that i reevaluated the knock. what is wrong with me?!?!?!? deal with it, rachel, and let it go! 

i don't know if it's my lack of self-esteem at the moment that causes me to feel this way. or maybe it's the depression that makes my mind keep on revisiting the hurt. maybe i don't want to forget, so that it will never happen again.

all i know is, that this is one aspect that is top of my list of battles. i WILL deal with it. and i WILL leave it behind. i WILL be stronger because of it. and i WILL be better because of it, somehow. hard to believe at times, and hard to understand just how that is supposed to happen, when my mind is still clouded with lurking darkness. somewhere, in that darkness, there has to be some light. there has to be some of the me left who wouldn't even let this bother her. the me that wouldn't even flinch at the punch just thrown at her. the me that would've just got up and punched the past right back in the face.

i refuse to let the past dictate my future. i refuse to be limited to this feeling of weakness. i am better than that. now, i just have to believe it myself.

wow. that was some deep stuff. good to get it down though - stop it from swirling around in my head.

on a lighter note. i have rediscovered  picnik - a website that i started using aaaages ago and never really got into. duh! what was wrong with me?! haha. it's awesome. i love the effects i can do with my pics. a lot of the time, these days, it's all in the editing that makes great photos. i personally love this pic. not to brag or anything.

anyway, off for some socializing. put on a happy face :)

i have followers!

wow. i am amazed. i have 8 followers!

this whole blog started out as being an outlet for me. i wasn't expecting anyone to read it. or even enjoy it.

i am so grateful though, for your support, my lovely followers.
if my ramblings can help someone else in any way, then i will feel like my life has just that little bit more purpose.

thank you for joining me on my journey.
i apologise in advance for any boredom that may attack you from reading my blogs.
i will do my best to keep them interesting :)

loves xxx

interesting odd facts

i love finding out useless pieces of information.

you never know when you might need to know something.

you might never need to know something.

it's still interesting to me.

> the largest cell in the human body is the female reproductive cell (the ovum).

the smallest is the male sperm.

>in the course of an average lifetime you will, while sleeping, eat 70 assorted insects and 10 spiders

> a fetus acquires fingerprints at the age of three months

>the longest recorded flight of a chicken is 13 seconds

> lemons contain more sugar than strawberries

>Boanthropy is a disease in which a person thinks they're an ox. (this i would love to see!)

> Reindeer like to eat bananas (maybe a good one to know for christmas - make sure that santa's sled stops at your house by putting bananas on the roof)

> turtles and honeybees are both deaf

> sound at the right vibration frequency can bore through solid objects

> there are 336 dimples on a regulation golf ball

> because of the rotation of the earth, an object can be thrown further if it is thrown west.

> the shortest war in history was between Zanzibar and England in 1896. Zanzibar surrendered after only 38 minutes (poor underdogs)

> by law, every child in Belgium must take harmonica lessons at primary school (that seems worse than having to take recorder at NZ primary schools!)

> the King of Hearts is the only king without a moustache.

> it is physically impossible for a pig to look up to the sky

well, there you go. hope you've learned something new today. whether or not you needed to learn it, that's a whole different story.

life

life is about making lots of mistakes.

and death is about wishing you'd made a whole lot more.

Hallo from Vegesack!!!

so, yep. i'm here in the lovely vegesack, germany.

it's kind of weird. i mean, i'm used to traveling and being in a country where I don't know the language. but here it's different.

i've never been to germany before, and i've never ever even tried to learn german, so i know practically nothing.

i definitely feel like an alien here. out of place. fish out of water.

don't get me wrong, i'm enjoying the experience. something new. out of my comfort zone.

it is kind of strange though, hanging out by myself here while rhys is at work.

yesterday i stayed in bed when Rhys went to work. I accidentally fell asleep again and didn't wake up until lunch time! was such bliss.

so today i decided i would get up, get brekky, and get outside early. hmmm. well. of course today it would be raining.

but i kept going. i did a loop of the blocks around the hotel. was only out for about half an hour.

i walked in the rain. it was refreshing. made me feel awake.

i came back with wet hair, wet coat and cold, red nose. but now i have the whole day to enjoy…doing nothing.

i had a bit of a down day on tuesday. mixture of things. mostly just tired. but i went out and did some photographing of the sights of vegesack. on that day, it was cold and the air was misty, but it wasn't raining. the colours (it is autumn here at the mo) were amazing. i couldn't get enough of the vivid yellows, oranges and reds. just divine. getting out and taking pics helped me a little to clear my head. stop thinking those negative thoughts that were bringing me down. and, even better, it didn't cost anything!

i have to say. i'm sure german people are lovely, and i myself know some lovely beautiful germans. but so far, i've found the germans of vegesack to be very stand-offish, abrupt, and well, i'm not sure how to explain it without being rude.

back home, i'm used to people saying hello to each other on the street, up the mount, etc. even if they don't know each other. at least a smile. but here - i get nothing. i try and start it off - smile at someone. but i think they just think i'm a freak.

oh well. maybe it can be my social experiment while i'm here. by the end of the 2 weeks, i will be able to get people to be receptive to my smiles and respond with at least a smile back.

i still have quite a while here in vegesack. i'm going to get on a train, maybe this weekend, and venture into the bigger town of Bremen. i think it might even be a city. apparently there are lots of amazing sights there - old buildings, stuff for me to photograph. wish i had brought my extreme close-up lens now. and wish i had a fish-eye. oh well.

so, for today, i guess i'll be in my hotel room. my sanctuary for the next 2 weeks. movie watching, facebooking, eating grapes and delving into my delicious 1kg box of Haribo lollies (heaven in a round plastic container).

missing home a bit. missing kylie in wellington. wish we'd had longer together.

missing nelly and eppy and their crazy little antics

missing jen and being able to chat.

missing friends and having people to do stuff with.

missing the SUN!!!! but i know it'll be there when i get back.

actually, honestly, missing the kiddies from work too. not missing work itself. but missing the kids. and the ladies there too.

but. even though i miss all that, i need to be present. make the most of now. ha. that sounds like a vodafone ad or something.

peace out ya'll