M.I.A

oops. my bad.

have been absent from my blogging duties for a while now.

not sure what happened. just not had anything much to say.

the last few weeks have been a bit of a roller-coaster.

nothing major has happened. but i've just been beaten up a bit emotionally.

mostly by myself.

and mostly about things that are totally stupid. and not worth fretting over.

i've had to have some serious talks with myself.

been blunt. been real.

for me, having depression has hit me the most in my perception of my relationships.

i don't feel like i am my full self. i don't like me much, so i don't believe anyone else truly likes me much either.

my mind tricks me into thinking that people just pretend to like me. that they don't really like me, and when i'm not there they talk about me and say mean things.

my mind tells me i shouldn't trust people.

my mind tells me that people don't enjoy spending time with me. so i don't ever try to spend time with people. i'd hate to bore them all to death.

i've had to convince myself that there are people in my life who love me, just as i am.

i've had to convince myself that it's okay if there are people who don't absolutely love hanging out with me.

not everyone gets on with everyone.

that's just a normal thing. a human thing. a life thing.

people who don't like me, aren't worth my time stressing about.

focus on the people who do like me. the people who love me. the people who i love and care about.

again. my mantra is:

focus on the positive. forget the negative.

too much negative kills the positive.

i want to fill my life with the positive.

it is, by far, more beautiful.