possible to be loved

it has been nearly a year since my last post.

what can i say, i've been busy.

i've been busy growing.
                       learning.
                       changing.
                       loving.

i've been busy living.

my move to china happened nearly 9 months ago now. it is so clear that this is definitely where i'm supposed to be.

right now, i am in the moment that, quite a while ago, i had hoped would come.
that 'one day everything will make sense' moment.

it's kind of exciting, i have to admit.


i'm not gonna lie and pretend that every day is easy now.
that i don't still have difficult days.
that the darkness doesn't still linger in the background.
that those harmful words spoken over me don't still play on my insecurities.

every day is not easy. but most of the days are.
i do still have difficult days, but they are few and far between - and now i have someone who gets it, gets me
and actually wants to support me on those days.
the darkness tries its hardest to take over again. but i am stronger now.
those words do still echo in the most remote corners of my mind,
but his loving words now scream louder


china not only brought me new direction, new purpose, new adventures.
it also brought me new love.
real love.
the kind that knows all your darkness, all your fears, all your insecurities, but chooses to stay.
the kind that works hard every day to show you your strengths, your possibilities, your light.
i never knew it could be so freeing. so uplifting. so amazing.

he is beyond incredible.
and i feel so incredibly blessed.

china has also brought another kind of love.
me love.

"i know i am enough.

possible to be loved.

it was not about me"

                              {katy perry}

no more focussing on who i was. or who i was perceived to be.
i now see who i am. who i can be.

i'm still learning, still growing.
still finding my way in some regards.
but i'm getting there.
and now, i know the way.


the only way is up.

no regrets. just love

mindset shift

in the past week or two, i've had a few pieces of info 'come to light' that could have had the potential to do some serious damage to my progress.

no boring details needed.

just things that, a year ago, would have completely destroyed me.


but not now.

i have to admit, i am surprised by {and totally proud of} how i have responded to the events.
surprised by my own strength.


the difference?

my constant decision to think differently about things.
to realise when things are out of my control, and
to let go of those things.


my decision, every day, to live without a sense of entitlement
                           - i should've had that, or
                           - i deserve that

to be grateful for the things i do have
and to be patient....knowing that one day i may have the things i've always hoped for.

so basically, a lot of 'mental' hard work.

it isn't always easy, but the more i think this way - the easier it gets.

i have noticed a real difference.
life truly is easier when you learn to let go of things beyond your control.
things you can't avoid or change.

i know that:
life isn't always going to be fair.
things are going to happen.
things that hurt.
things that disappoint.

but, when you learn to control the only thing you can
                                                                    ~ your response to those things ~
                                          life is so much better.


life is happier.

life can actually be good again.

no regrets. just love

the hardest thing to do....

another new chapter in my life begins.

i am home.
literally.

living back home with the parentals.
in my home town.

it feels good
but it's also a bit scary

                   ....there are lots of 'demons' to face being back here again.


something that has been weighing on my mind lately is why good things always seem to happen to bad people.

yet good people seem to get continuously crapped on



i'm not purely bleating away about my own problems here. although, sometimes - i'll admit it - i definitely think it.
i wonder 'am i really such a bad person that this bad stuff keeps happening to me?'

but then i remind myself that i have a LOT to be thankful for.
things to look forward to.
i remind myself, again and again, i am FREE to be ME - and that in itself is a blessing!

this 'good people get crapped on' thing happens all around me. daily.

it doesn't seem fair to watch people who are knowingly 'rotten eggs' seem to get everything they've ever wanted.
be successful.
find love.
find their form of happiness - no matter how shallow it is or who they've had to hurt to get it.

yet people who just ooze goodness and are a gift to all those they come into contact with, seem to get hammered with bad news, tough times, not getting what they want/need or getting what they don't want, and just all round general crap.


there are plenty of bad people who seem to have it all.
and it frustrates the s*%# out of me.



when i turned 30, i wrote a list of 30 things i wanted to do and be in my life from now on.
number 30 was this:
                              30) I will love others more, even those who hurt me or disappoint me.

since coming back home, that last one has been smacking me in the face daily.
it is a really hard thing to do.

there are days when i wonder why i should?
why do they deserve it if they can't treat me well?
why should i wish them well in their life?
why should i waste my love on them?

the answer is simple.

it's not about them!
i shouldn't waste my energy on negative thoughts or hate towards them.
holding on to hurt and anger only affects one person.
me.
and i am too precious and too awesome and too full of love and hope to be weighed down with anger.

yes, loving someone who hurts you is fully hard!
but wishing well for those who hurt you shows your strong character and spirit.
you will not be broken.
i will not be broken.


there are plenty of days when i feel i can't love those who have hurt me
but then i stop and think...
actually,
i can

loving others is just another way to build your own happiness.
having hate or anger or hurt just clutters up what space there is for your smiles
i am no longer pinning my happiness on others.
how they treat me now or how they treated me in the future.
only one person can truly determine your happiness.
and that's yourself
it's your decision, every morning, to wake up and say
today is a good day,
and i am going to be happy!!!

no regrets. just love

why hello, september springtime

winter is officially over.

well, according to the calendar anyway.

i love spring. i love the crisp mornings and the beautiful sunny days.
i love the blossoms.

i love the symbolism of new life.
new beginnings.

i love knowing that summer is just around the corner.

sitting in the sun this morning, enjoying a freshly brewed coffee with my flatmate, i had a sense of happiness. a sort of bliss. a sense of being okay with where i am right now. nearly, and i emphasise nearly, a sense of feeling settled.

and it felt good.

new season - on the calendar.
new season - in my life.

who knows what the next season will hold for me.
but i'm excited.
and i'm ready for it.

no regrets. just love

long time. no love

ahhh….so i have to apologize. i have neglected my blog loving for a while. a LONG while.

my bad.
I guess i've just been so sublimely happy of late that i haven't felt the need to burden the world with my delight and happiness :)
in saying that…i guess i should share it more because i have been so happy…

so tonight…i'm sitting in the gorgeous land of Fiji…on day 2 of a 5 night vacay with my mister before he heads back to europe and the boat for 3 months…
so far…my vacay has consisted of -
a 1 hour full body massage & detoxifying body wrap…
lounging by the pool
having fun taking photos underwater
drinking at the 'swim up' pool bar
delicious food at the many restaurants in the resort
quality time with just me and my mister


i am having the best time so far.
life back home has been great too -
a new nephew who is just absolutely PERFECT
getting creative with buttons letters again..
good catch ups with friends…
study has started again (eeeek)…but good to keep my brain active :)
work is going well….
life in general is just dandy.

i won't write a big post today…should go and hang with the hubby.
will write again soon. promise!

i'm looking forward to saturday - we've got a cruise booked….dinner & a fire show & a kava ceremony….oh my! fun :)

love fiji. so much friendliness & happiness…the smiles are just huge here. now i see why :)
i'll leave you with some snapshots of our time so far
x

snapping away...

so, over the new year holiday, i spent some time with the mister and some friends up in whangamata. yummy sunshine, sea, wine and plenty of laughs.
while we were there, i took the opportunity to take a few snaps of my friends and their baby...a little cutie called Aden. I was super happy with how some of the pics turned out...and i thought i would share a few on here (hopefully mummy and daddy don't mind)....

i snapped quite a few, but these are my faves....

what do you think?
i've got a 'baby bump' photo shoot coming up on saturday, which i'm rather excited about (but is my first ever, so a bit nervous)....and then i have my first wedding in 2 weeks! argh! scary. but good. i need to put myself out there more.
no regrets. right?

wish me luck!

Christmas goodness...

hello my lovely little followers...
i hope you have all had a fantastic Christmas filled with love, happiness and family times.
i had a great day...loved seeing the joy on the faces of my niece and nephew...
the most special part was when my 2 year old niece, Noelle, was sitting at the table with all of the family and said "Oh wow! I've got all my people here!" so cute. first time in ages we've all been together - including my mister. his first Christmas home in 6 years! was so nice having him home.....he does have the man-flu now though. oh dear. he's not feeling too flash :(

last night i went to a concert with my fabulous friend Nik, her boyf and my mister. Jimmy Barnes!!! with Midnight Youth opening for him. was SO much fun. i was dancing with the mister...twirling and boogying the night away!

i thought i would share a few snaps that i've taken over the last few days...events of christmas, beautiful blooms, etc....still haven't developed the film from pomme yet, but that will be happening soon - can't wait!

Christmas tree beauty. nothing like the smell of a REAL pine tree

 Rose garden

old world charm

grow your own

decorative

the christmas treats i made for the girls at work. mallowpuffs, white choc, jaffas and spearmint leaves

Wishing everyone a safe and happy new year and a great Summer holiday! thank you all for your amazing support this year. here's to a happy and rewarding 2011!!!!

no regrets. just love

not long now...

ok. so, my bad. i've been a bit slack on the old 'today was a good day because...' posts.
life just gets so busy sometimes, and Christmas time is definitely the worst (but in a good way).

i went to the doctor today, because i am SO OVER my insane hayfever...and it turns out i've got another sinus infection. oh joy. and that's why my sinus has been so extreme so far this season. but at least now i've got the drugs to make it better. and maybe it'll be all cleared up by the time the mister comes home! (which is only 6 more sleeps, did you know?!?!?)

but - today was a good day still because i managed to get all the Christmas presents, for the kids at work to take home, practically finished today! and they look super awesome, i'm really stoked with how they turned out. everyone has worked really well together to get them done, and i took the photos and got them printed today, so they are now complete. yay!!!

tomorrow is going to be a busy day - photos with amber in the morning (getting her portfolio ready for her new company)...then getting things sorted for The Little Big Markets on Saturday! I really really REALLY hope the rain stays away for saturday. Kylie (from ReallyReally Design) and I have been preparing for this for a couple of weeks now, and we are all ready and totally pumped for it. If you are free this Saturday (from 9am until 2pm) then totally come and check us out! little bit nervous, but it should be a bit of fun...and a good way to get my stuff known i guess.

then tomorrow night is our staff work do....should be a laugh - we're having it at Cobb'n'Co! old school or what?!?!

anyway. i am SUPER DOOPER excited that it is only 6 more sleeps until the mister is home. i'm about to go to bed now and when i wake up it will only be 5!!!!! can't wait til he is home. i know he is working really hard and deserves a nice summer holiday. we have so much planned for the next 3 months! there is so much stuff to look forward to! (which, of course, makes me very happy)

life is good right now. very good. and i really get a sense that things are only going to get better.
yay!

photo blog

well, lately i've been having a great time snapping all the beauty around. summer is here! and the colours are vibrant and delicious. i can't get enough of it!
here are a few of my latest shots....

Pohutukawa glory

flowers in bloom

the glorious greens at linds and dan's wedding ceremony....

looking upwards

an easy one....

today i begin writing one thing about each day that was good.
well, today was an easy one!
my day was filled with so much goodness and beauty. it was truly amazing.

one of my dearest friends, Lindsay, got married today.
so right there you've got a pretty major reason why today was a good day.

the weather was perfect. the venue was gorgeous. the decorations were amazing. the couple were stunning!
the food was delicious and, in general, it was a spectacular day!

another thing that made it good was that i didn't become overwhelmed by so much love and beauty and joy, like i usually would. today i actually just embraced it. and i enjoyed it. i had a few tears - but they were acceptable because everyone was crying - it was during the speeches where everyone gets emotional. i managed to rein in the tears, though, and i felt "in control" of my emotions today. quite an achievement for me, and one that i have to say i am quite proud of. it truly was a splendid day (and the possibilities for photography were endless, so i was really in heaven!)

after all this goodness, i felt quite content as i drove myself home. how else could this day be any better (apart from having hubby there too)?
waiting for me at home, to my surprise, was a lovely bunch of flowers from the mister. (i'm sure you were all thinking the surprise was going to be him.....haha, i wish!)
i could not believe it! he had known that i was going to have missed him today, and he knew that i'd had a pretty rough weekend emotionally (and was probably worried that i would've been an emotional wreck after the wedding)...that he thought he would send me flowers to make me smile. and they did. i smiled. a lot. in fact, i'm still smiling now as i'm writing this. i can smell the delicious fragrance wafting through my room and i am happy. right here in this moment, in this day, i am happy.

and it feels GOOD!





i will leave you with a little snippet from the millions of photos i took today. this one was actually a mistake, but i kind of love it. lovers escaping into a secret garden. plus - it doesn't give too much away, because i have been told before that some people don't really like photos going up on the web before they've had a chance to put some up first. so here it is. here they are. Mr and Mrs Faris :)

a picture paints 1000 words....

this is a picture i took, driving home from auckland a few weeks ago. i love the colours and the feeling of happiness i get when i look at it. i thought i would share it with you all 

Success

so, yesterday i went exploring in Bremen. new place.
i went with 2 girls i had only just met. new people.

and you know what? i actually had a GREAT time!
i didn't worry about what they thought of me.
i didn't worry about trying to 'fit' in….finding something to talk about wasn't hard.
i was actually just myself, and we seemed to get on fine!

i know it probably sounds ridiculous that i'm buzzing out over something so simple…
but it really was a big thing for me. we had to go on the train for half an hour to bremen, then spent 3 hours there, walking, mooching in shops, lunching at a traditional bavarian restaurant. i was out of my comfort zone. without my comfort of the mister. and i did fine!

i was relaxed. i enjoyed the time. i enjoyed the conversations. i enjoyed the experience.

all in all i came home one happy girl. i was excited to tell the mister how well the day had gone.
lame, i know. i'm 27 and find it hard to relax around new people. i still get shy and nervous.
but, for me, yesterday was huge progress.
yay for me! haha

i also managed to squeeze in some quick snaps.