possible to be loved

it has been nearly a year since my last post.

what can i say, i've been busy.

i've been busy growing.
                       learning.
                       changing.
                       loving.

i've been busy living.

my move to china happened nearly 9 months ago now. it is so clear that this is definitely where i'm supposed to be.

right now, i am in the moment that, quite a while ago, i had hoped would come.
that 'one day everything will make sense' moment.

it's kind of exciting, i have to admit.


i'm not gonna lie and pretend that every day is easy now.
that i don't still have difficult days.
that the darkness doesn't still linger in the background.
that those harmful words spoken over me don't still play on my insecurities.

every day is not easy. but most of the days are.
i do still have difficult days, but they are few and far between - and now i have someone who gets it, gets me
and actually wants to support me on those days.
the darkness tries its hardest to take over again. but i am stronger now.
those words do still echo in the most remote corners of my mind,
but his loving words now scream louder


china not only brought me new direction, new purpose, new adventures.
it also brought me new love.
real love.
the kind that knows all your darkness, all your fears, all your insecurities, but chooses to stay.
the kind that works hard every day to show you your strengths, your possibilities, your light.
i never knew it could be so freeing. so uplifting. so amazing.

he is beyond incredible.
and i feel so incredibly blessed.

china has also brought another kind of love.
me love.

"i know i am enough.

possible to be loved.

it was not about me"

                              {katy perry}

no more focussing on who i was. or who i was perceived to be.
i now see who i am. who i can be.

i'm still learning, still growing.
still finding my way in some regards.
but i'm getting there.
and now, i know the way.


the only way is up.

no regrets. just love

30 things

So....
many, many posts ago, in what seems now like an alternate universe, I wrote a list of 30 things to do before I turned 30


I failed, so absolutely miserably, that I've decided to scrap that list and write a new one

I don't want to focus on what should've happened in the last 30 years, but didn't.
I don't want to focus on what didn't happen in the last 30 years that should've.

this list will be different.
It can't possibly be titled '30 things to do before I'm 30'

I'm 30 tomorrow.


So this time, it's 30 things that I'm going to do now that I'm (nearly) 30

Kind of like a challenge to myself to make the next chapter of my life the best ever
A list of things to remind myself how I want to live my life
A list of ways I can make the lives of others around me better too


1) I am going to be more thankful. Every day
2) I am going to leave each person I come into contact with better than when I found them....even if just by a smile or a small compliment
3) i will forgive others more
4) i will be more passionate about everything I do
5) I will pay attention and enjoy my life as it happens
6) I will grow stronger everyday
7) I will have more confidence
8) I will speak louder, especially if speaking up for something I believe in
9) I will start conversations with random people (e.g. At airports)
10) I will live with less expectations - I will just let it be
11) I will learn to say 'no' more. But at the same time, I will learn to say 'yes' more too
12) I will empower myself to change what I can, and let go of the rest
13) I WILL declutter and keep my environment tidy
14) I will focus on the positives more, including mine
15) I will accept invitations to go out more with friends
16) I will love myself more!
17) I will pay attention to how I talk to myself....no more put-downs, no more self-sabotage
18) I will drink more water
19) I will take more photos {is that possible, you say?}
20) I will make sure people know that I am happy to see them
21) im going to spend less on things, and spend more on experiences/people
22) I will travel to new places and meet new people
23) I will learn a new language {looks like Mandarin Chinese is up there on the list}
24) Im going to write more handwritten letters
25) I'm going to do more random acts of kindness
26) I'm going to stop taking things so personally
27) I'm going to take more time to observe my surroundings. Take just one more look. For just one more second.
28) I'm going to stop basing my worth on other peoples actions
29) I'm going to give more to others - time, money, whatever
30) I will love others more, even those who hurt me or disappoint me. We're all human. We all make mistakes. And we all need love.

Wow, that was actually quite hard.


Not long to go. The clock is counting down the hours.
Soon I will enter into what is going to be {I'm claiming it!!!!!!!} the best decade of my life!

I'm super excited.
I'm going to live my life. Each and every day.
I'm going to make a difference in other peoples lives, somehow.

This is it.

no regrets. just love

my life. a constant adventure.

So. It seems my life here in Sydney is a transient one.

For what I needed at the time......

          An escape from reality

          Something new to focus on

          New people and places

          New self discovery

                                  .....Sydney has been perfect

However, you can't run from your problems forever.

Some day you need to stop, turn around and face them head on. 

Smack.

Also...

Sometimes you need to stop trying to do everything on your own

Sometimes you need to surround yourself with your family and friends

Just sometimes, you need a lil bit of help

and I'm not too proud to admit that.

So my next step is to head back across the ditch...back to the homeland...back into those warm, welcoming and loving arms of those who know me best...

But, as with my whole life so far....

       ....that won't be for long either.

There's another adventure brewing. One that I am so excited about!

And after a lil more healing, and a little bit of mustard, I'll be totally ready to embrace it!

I am adamant that I won't let any amazing opportunity pass me by.

As always, I choose to live with no regrets.

Looking forward. Moving forward, no matter how slowly. 

All I need I courage!

After all....life is a journey, not a destination.

No regrets. Just love

why hello, september springtime

winter is officially over.

well, according to the calendar anyway.

i love spring. i love the crisp mornings and the beautiful sunny days.
i love the blossoms.

i love the symbolism of new life.
new beginnings.

i love knowing that summer is just around the corner.

sitting in the sun this morning, enjoying a freshly brewed coffee with my flatmate, i had a sense of happiness. a sort of bliss. a sense of being okay with where i am right now. nearly, and i emphasise nearly, a sense of feeling settled.

and it felt good.

new season - on the calendar.
new season - in my life.

who knows what the next season will hold for me.
but i'm excited.
and i'm ready for it.

no regrets. just love

mantra. made permanent

so. the title of this blog is 'no regrets. just love'

what does that mean to me?

yes. it is a line from a cheesy and catchy katy perry tune. i'm a not-so-secret lover of pop. what can i say. i'm an 80s girl. no apologies there.

but it was those 4 words that stood out to me back in 2010.
back then, they resonated with me because of my depression.
now, they resonate for different reasons.

regardless of the why behind it - those 4 words still speak deeply to me.

life is a journey. a roller-coaster, if you will.

you can't predict what is going to happen. you can't change what has passed.

all you can do is live your life the best you can. live with no regrets. no 'what ifs'.
live a life you can be proud of.
and through the journey, you have to love. as much as you can.

love yourself. the most important (as I am still learning)
love those who love you
love those who hurt you.

because, ultimately, everyone comes in to your life for a reason.
everyone has lessons to teach you.

it's up to you whether you learn those lessons. or not.

i am still learning a lot. about life. about love. about me.
but i am learning. and growing. and that's the main thing.

i don't regret anything that has happened in my life. even the things that have made me cry.

i am grateful for the good times. the best times. the happy times.
the memories that i have of the past.
the memories that make me smile when i think of them.
especially the people who have been a part of those memories.

i am grateful, also, for the hard times.
the memories i sometimes wish i could forget.
the memories i sometimes wish never happened.
even the people who have broken my heart.

for everything that has happened is part of who i am.
and i am learning to love who that is.
even with the scars.

you only live once.
and i intend to live my life.
i intend to feel every feeling that i can.
the love.
the hurt.
the laughter.
the pain.

as a reminder, as if i could ever forget, i decided to get my mantra forever inked to my skin.

There's nothing for you to become, just to realise who you are - Joseph Clough.

I hope you live a life you're proud of. -F. Scott Fitzgerald

I myself don't have amazingly memorable or quotable words to express how important one's journey is, or how paramount it is to love yourself - no matter your scars....

all i can do is share with you my journey. my lessons.

and tell you that your journey is amazing.
no matter your scars.
no matter your battles.
no matter your hurts or your joys.

you are enough.


no regrets. just love.

visual delights

while you are waiting {and waiting, and waiting} for my next proper post....enjoy these little delights. eye candy. the deliciousness that is my niece and nephews.

LOVE the look of absolute excitement on his face as he open his treasure chest birthday present :)

creative juices flowing

the little munchkin.

cheesy ballerina..

these little angels teach me every day about finding joy in everything. finding delight in the little things. letting my imagination go wild and living life. 

love you cheebies. xxx

remember me????

eeeeek.

hello. my lovely followers.
are you still there?



i have been so MIA lately.
there have been so many changes going on in my life.
and i apologise.
i have not posted for, like, ever.


but during that time, I have been gathering my thoughts.
thoughts on life.
on love.
on decisions.
on depression.
on beauty.
on a whole heap of important stuff.

i promise i will share some of these thoughts over the next few days.

now that life has calmed down a little,
i am going to get back into my blogging.

i have missed it so.
and i have continued to receive encouraging comments from you lovelies
so i am going to get back in to it.

after i have had a chillax time tonite.
haha. the week has been hectic.

so, i am enjoying a pinot gris, snuggled in front of the heater, relaxing.
i will transfer thought to paper (computer screen) tomorrow.

i am also getting a new hair style tomorrow. if you're lucky i'll post a pic

which reminds me.
i haven't been behind the camera in a while.
maybe this weekend is a good time to restart.


i hope you have all been well. and thank you for not abandoning me,
even though i have been so slack.

so, til tomorrow

no regrets. just love

my new mantra....

this photo was taken the same day as AJ's celebration service - some of her friends released blue balloons for her. i just love the pic (borrowed from the friend). added the quote.

this is what i need to continue to remember to do. just breathe. let go of the negative. let go of what i can't control. let go of the insecurities. let go of the doubts. let go of the past (well, the not-so-good parts anyway). just live my life. take a chance. who cares if i make the wrong decision? at least i made a decision! you never know if you don't try.

i have accepted a new job! woooo. excite. but also a little bit eeeek. nervous as heck. had a fleeting moment of worry - did i pick the right job? what if it's not the right one?

but that didn't last. i'm just going to run with the fact that i chose one. it's done. i can't unchange it (for now anyway). let's just see how it goes.

i've been going along to some therapy sessions with a psychologist (yes - that title did freak me out at first - am i really THAT screwed up?)
so far so good.
it almost feels like when i talk, as the words come out, i can let go of the hurt.
acknowledge the pain. then watch it fly away.
it's impossible to deny that talking does help. well, it does for me.
i guess it's just hearing that how i'm feeling is okay. i'm not crazy. i have a reason for feeling the way i do.

so now, i start my new job on tuesday! i'm super amped.
it's only 13 sleeps til the mister is back. can't wait to see my favourite person on the planet!
i just helped my niece get all ready for her dress up 'under the sea' day at kindy - as a mermaid.

life is good.

i'm living for today.
with hope for tomorrow.

no regrets. just love

through the eyes of a child...

this afternoon the sun decided to show it's face for a little while.

so i decided to get out of the house and go for a walk. but i wanted company. so my gorgeous little niece came with. she's 3. she's absolutely adorable.

we were gone for such a long time, because Noelle wanted to just keep on walking. the delight that she got from even just the little things that we found along the way was refreshing.

a praying mantis.

builders building a house

hearing a bird singing (which she mimicked in a sing-song voice "Good morning! How are you today? I'm fine, thank you. And you?)

watching the clouds in the sky (one of which she was sure was following her - "Maybe it wants to be my friend")

we went to the park. standard kid stuff. swing. see-saw. 

then the lake. to find the ducks (but there weren't any. Noelle's response? "oh well, maybe we come back tomorrow with some bread and they'll be there")

as we were walking we saw a HUGE flight of steps going up to the top of the hill. After we had already had a conversation about clouds, Noelle decided that she needed to be taller so she could touch the clouds. She decided that walking up the steps was how she would reach them.

"please, Rachel, we walk up the steps now?" are you sure? i asked, not actually very keen on walking all the way up and then having to come all the way down again. "Yes, sure!" she said excitedly.

so off we went. counting the steps as we went. we got half way. 

me: are you tired yet? do you want to go back down?

Noelle: no! we not at the top yet! we got to go up there to touch the clouds

we did make it in the end. all the way to the top. and what a view! we could see all the places we had just walked to, and the colours were beautiful. we couldn't quite touch the clouds, but noelle didn't seem to mind. she was happy that she was closer to them than before. and she enjoyed the view too. we talked about clouds for ages, and everything else we could see. we talked about how clouds can sometimes look like different things, and have different colours in them, like when the sun is setting. Noelle saw one that she was adamant looked like a caterpillar. i couldn't quite see it, but maybe i wasn't looking hard enough :)

walking with noelle today was lovely. not only to get out and get some fresh air and clear my head, but just watching the joy she found in the smallest things. it reminded me of me when i was little. every discovery was a major deal. every little outing was fun. every experience was a time to learn more and delight in.

what's happened? why do i not see life like that anymore? why is it that i forget that the little things i do everyday are important. the little short visits i have with people are valuable. the sights around me are beautiful. why have i let myself get so busy, and so caught up in what i think i should doing, or what people want me to do, that i have forgotten to just live life and enjoy it. 

i want to have the heart of a child again. i want to have the fresh view of the world - like every day i will discover something new, and everything is exciting. 

i had a bit of fun and googled 'clouds that look like things'....some funny results.

i'll share a few of my faves with you

i will remember to look up, and see the interesting shapes i can see in the clouds...and i will remember to take delight in the little things i do, and the beautiful things around me.

thanks Noelle. it seems i am getting a lot of insight into how to live life from people much younger than me lately. i'm not too proud to say it. i'm not too proud to learn life lessons from my 3 year old niece. or my friend's 19 year old sister.

you live and learn, everyday

30 things to do.....revisited

so, i can't sleep, and i just remembered that ages ago i wrote a blog about the things i want to do before i turn 30. i thought it would be fun to revisit that list and see how many (if any) things i could tick off the list.


hmmm...i might have a lot of work ahead of me.


#1 - perform in a stage musical - haven't even thought about this one yet
#2 - do a photography course - am looking at options now :)
#3 - go sky-diving
#4 - start business with Kylie
#5 - go to New York
#6 - do a make-up course - again - looking at options now! excited :)
#7 - go to the Melbourne Races - tickets are BOOKED! wooooooooo!
#8 - sell my first photograph - to someone i don't know :) - DONE! this was done ages ago....pretty exciting moment :)
#9 - sit my Grade 8 piano exam - i actually haven't even played since last year :(
#10 - be off my meds completely - nope. just got them upped. eeek.
#11 - help build a home for Habitat for Humanity
#12 - have been to 30 concerts in my life (so far i've been to 6, sad huh?) - getting better. i think it's more like 15 or something.
#13 - go skinny dipping
#14 - swim with sharks (well, at least cage diving anyway)
#15 - go scuba diving again (i haven't been for 6 years!)
#16 - learn french, enough to hold a decent conversation - am starting french classes next wednesday!
#17 - compete in and finish a half marathon - pfffft. whatever :)
#18 - write a letter to all the people in my life that i am close to, telling them what i appreciate about each of them - seems more important now than ever before. i WILL do this during my 2 weeks off.
#19 - learn a new sport
#20 - learn to surf (and NOT be scared of the sharks)
#21 - get back into dancing.  i will find a class and attend it - regularly.
#22 - lose 10kgs
#23 - have an overseas holiday with my 2 sisters
#24 - treat my bestie to something amazing (that she really needs)
#25 - set up an album where i take and print one picture every day - showing a highlight from that day
#26 - start writing a book
#27 - go on a Volunteer holiday with the hubby
#28 - be able to bait my own hook (this is one for the hubby, he'll be so please, haha) - this one i can actually do now! YES!
#29 - donate $500 to a local charity
#30 - have a baby (or at least get pregnant by the time i'm 30)





ah, see. still plenty of things to do before i'm 30. 
just as well. otherwise life would be pretty boring between now and january 2013!




also. i'm very excited that it's now autumn. i'm looking forward to getting the cameras out and having fun with the colours.

road to nowhere?

after yesterday's blog being so positive...i have to admit, today is completely different.

i'm feeling very lonely today. very alone. 

i know i'm on a journey, one that may take a while...

but sometimes i wonder just where this road is taking me?

it feels like i'm on a road to nowhere....sometimes.

like i take one step forward, then 2 gigantic steps backwards.

(photo taken at Pineda de Mar in Spain)

one day, hopefully, i will reach the end of the road...or at least start out on a new, better journey.

thought provoking week

hello all.
sorry i haven't written (again) for such a long time. there's been a lot going on lately. one of my best friend's  little sister is in a critical condition in hospital at the mo, and it really gets you thinking about life and what's important.

isn't it dumb, though, that it takes something serious like this to make you appreciate the good things you have? your health, for one.

too often these days we get too busy with life, that we forget about the people in it who really mean everything to us - the people who make life worthwhile.
my new challenge for myself is to take more time out of being busy and making more time for my friends and family.

i think i already do kind of okay....but i know i can do so much better.

so the week hasn't ended on such a good note...hopefully things will improve for my friend's sister....everyone is thinking and praying for her.

however, there have been some fun times lately....mostly with my photography....another wedding and another baby bump shoot.....lots of fun!

wedding in new plymouth:

baby bump shots:

a big huge thank you to all the people who have trusted me to capture these special moments in their lives. i have a few more booked in, which is exciting and completely humbling......i really enjoy catching these moments - as all of these moments together, with the special people in our lives, are truly what life is all about.

these 2 sets of photos also show completely my life slogan "no regrets. just love"
the stories behind the photos are amazing too - and that's why i love being a part of it. for me, i prefer these more personal jobs...because i know where the people have been and i will know them in the future too....i don't just walk in and out of their lives.

there have been times when i have been close to chucking in the photog role. there are MANY times where i feel inadequate and completely out of my depth. there are times where i wonder why i should expect people to put such important events in my hands to photograph. i know everyone starts somewhere, but do i do a good enough job?

after the week that's passed, i have decided that i shouldn't be so down on myself. Ultimately, i take photos because i love doing it. and because i love capturing the special moments for the people who are special in my life. I don't know if photography will ever truly be a career for me - in the sense that total strangers hire me to snap away during their weddings or to capture the innocent and beautiful faces of their children... but if there are people in my life who like my work and want me to photograph their moments, then i will happily do so. it is actually an honour.

my message for everyone today is to stop and think about how you see yourself and your life. are you feeling down? can you not see any positive things at the moment? remember to appreciate even the little things that you have. all the little things eventually add up to a heck of a lot. and also remember, the little things that you have may be the things that others are desperately wishing for. be grateful and content with your hand in life. if you're not, then make the changes you need to be happy. take every opportunity to tell your loved ones how much they mean to you. take every opportunity to live your life to the fullest.


love easily. anger slowly. accept differences. celebrate beauty.

no regrets. just love.

comparing your life to others'

i have decided that there is nothing sillier than comparing your life to other peoples' lives.

this is something that i am completely guilty of a lot of the time. i was especially bad last year, and the year before that...but this year i am determined to be more content with what i have in my life and make the most of it.

right now, it's a bit difficult though. a LOT of my friends from high school (and life in general) have either had babies or are pregnant now. i'm totally ecstatic for them, of course, and wish them nothing but joy in their new adventures as mummies....but i can't help feeling a little jealous because the ONE thing i want more than anything in my life is to be a mummy...to have my own little cherub to love and nurture and adore.

i know, i know. it will happen. when it's right. good things take time. yeah, yeah.
and i also understand the logic that now we've started with our new house plans (YAY!!!!!!!) we might as well wait until that is all finished before we start shooting out the sprockets. but, it's a little bit hard when growing up, i ALWAYS thought i would have had my babies by now. WELL before now.
oh well. i guess life it like that. things happen. new adventures take you in new directions, and therefore plans change. or have to be put on hold. it's all good. it's all part of the journey.

i am pretty happy with my life right now. the weather is gorgeous. sunshine, warmth, and blue skies make me happy. the mister is home. we have a visitor from the UK here too, which makes life fun. i also have made a new breakthrough with my health and fitness regime. just got home from the gym now, and even I was surprised at how motivated i was during my workout today. you should have seen the look on my Personal Trainer's face when she came in and saw me running on the treadmill. haha....sounds like nothing, i know - but if you truly know me, you will know how much i absolutely positively LOATHE running. but there i was. running. fast. for ages. phew!
i am determined that 2011 is going to be my year. and so far, it is. life is good. i am happy. i am not needing my meds as regularly (but yes, i'm still being careful about that). i have reunited with 'lost' friends from last year and i am committed to keeping my relationships on track and flourishing. my photography is going well and i am hoping will get even better.

today is a good day. now is a good time in my life and i am really relishing being able to enjoy it.

"keep up the good work" - i should tell myself this everyday.
i AM doing well. i AM fighting and i AM winning. my life is becoming more and more my own again. i have more control and i LOVE it!!!!!

another new thing...

so, first of all. i just HAVE to mention about one of the things i did this past weekend. i had a stall with my sis kylie (from ReallyReally Design) at the Little Big Markets on saturday - and i actually sold 3 photos to a complete stranger! YAY!!! that was one of the things on my list!!! it was awesome. a complete stranger came up. looked at my photos. ooohed and aaaahed. then decided to buy 3! not just 1! woooooooooooo! yep. i had a huge grin on my face. probably looked like a real goof. haha. oh well. i was happy :)

another thing i did this past weekend was something completely new for me in my photography. i did my first ever baby bump photo shoot....pregnancy photo shoot.....whatever you want to brand it as. i was SO nervous, but thankfully it was an old friend of mine who is just the loveliest creature you could ever meet. it also helped that she is stunningly gorgeous - even with only 2 weeks to go until bubba arrives!

I hope she won't mind, but i just HAD to share a couple of my faves. well, maybe even just one. one without faces. i was so happy with how they turned out!

i am so excited about 2011 and what it holds for me. i have a good feeling....good things are gonna happen! i got another new camera...a panorama film one....hopefully i'll have better luck with that one than i did with "pomme"...

on a completely random side note....i tried battered stingray the other night...and actually quite fancied it! hmmm.....and the lady at the fish'n'chip shop said it was only good for dogs! Pffffft.

2011 baby!

flip. it's the first day of 2011.....where has the last year gone? feels like only yesterday i was just beginning my meds and dealing with the various 'joys' of battling with depression.

2010 turned out to be a great year. well, the 2nd half did anyway. so i am planning on continuing the good run right on into twenty-eleven, and have high hopes for the delightfulness that will be my journey this year. bring on the beauty. bring on the discovery. bring on the fun. bring on the love. bring on the LIFE!

amped much? yep. actually i am.


yesterday i picked up the pics that i snapped on my little mate 'Pomme'....
well, haha. not sure if i even want to share these with the world, as i'm not sure i'm altogether proud of them. but, definitely a learning curve! i'm not sure what went wrong with some of them...too much light from one side? i know what went wrong with some (note the pics where you can see my finger at the side! my bad).
i'm looking forward to grabbing another film tho and having another go. mistakes are made so we can learn from them. hopefully.

here are some of the better pics, and some of the ones that could've been awesome with the 'mistakes'.

not long now...

ok. so, my bad. i've been a bit slack on the old 'today was a good day because...' posts.
life just gets so busy sometimes, and Christmas time is definitely the worst (but in a good way).

i went to the doctor today, because i am SO OVER my insane hayfever...and it turns out i've got another sinus infection. oh joy. and that's why my sinus has been so extreme so far this season. but at least now i've got the drugs to make it better. and maybe it'll be all cleared up by the time the mister comes home! (which is only 6 more sleeps, did you know?!?!?)

but - today was a good day still because i managed to get all the Christmas presents, for the kids at work to take home, practically finished today! and they look super awesome, i'm really stoked with how they turned out. everyone has worked really well together to get them done, and i took the photos and got them printed today, so they are now complete. yay!!!

tomorrow is going to be a busy day - photos with amber in the morning (getting her portfolio ready for her new company)...then getting things sorted for The Little Big Markets on Saturday! I really really REALLY hope the rain stays away for saturday. Kylie (from ReallyReally Design) and I have been preparing for this for a couple of weeks now, and we are all ready and totally pumped for it. If you are free this Saturday (from 9am until 2pm) then totally come and check us out! little bit nervous, but it should be a bit of fun...and a good way to get my stuff known i guess.

then tomorrow night is our staff work do....should be a laugh - we're having it at Cobb'n'Co! old school or what?!?!

anyway. i am SUPER DOOPER excited that it is only 6 more sleeps until the mister is home. i'm about to go to bed now and when i wake up it will only be 5!!!!! can't wait til he is home. i know he is working really hard and deserves a nice summer holiday. we have so much planned for the next 3 months! there is so much stuff to look forward to! (which, of course, makes me very happy)

life is good right now. very good. and i really get a sense that things are only going to get better.
yay!

the buried life….

so, there have been a few days here in Vegesack where the weather has been less than ideal and i've found myself with nothing else to do but snuggle up in the hotel room with lollies, diet coke, and a movie from Rhys's harddrive. so much so that i ran out of movies i was actually interested in watching (his collection looks a lot different to what mine would look like).

i discovered a show on MTV website that i've been watching quite a bit over the last few days. The Buried Life. it's awesome. a group of canadian boys who wanted to live their life while they were alive. and wanted to prove that anything is possible if you really set your mind to it.
they created a list of the 100 things they want to do before they die. and they have a flipping blast crossing things off the list. it's a good watch, but also inspirational too. for every thing they cross off their list, they help someone else cross something off theirs. some moving moments.

it has made me think - crikey! i'm turning 30 in 2 years! yikes. have i done all the things that i had hoped i'd do? when i was younger, 30 seemed soooooo old and sooooooooo long away. i always thought i'd have a family by now and be well settled down. i've got the husband. but at the mo, that's as far as my little family unit goes. I have packed a lot into my 28 years, but are there things that i've wanted to do but never had the guts? haha..probably. i am possibly the world's biggest woose (i never know how to spell that word - just looked it up online. apparently you can write it woose, wuss, or wussy. there you go).

there are definitely things i want to do but never think i would actually go through with.
so, you know what i'm thinking?

i'm going to make a list of the 30 things i want to do before i turn 30.

#1 - perform in a stage musical
#2 - do a photography course
#3 - go sky-diving
#4 - start business with Kylie
#5 - go to New York
#6 - do a make-up course
#7 - go to the Melbourne Races
#8 - sell my first photograph - to someone i don't know :)
#9 - sit my Grade 8 piano exam
#10 - be off my meds completely
#11 - help build a home for Habitat for Humanity
#12 - have been to 30 concerts in my life (so far i've been to 6, sad huh?)
#13 - go skinny dipping
#14 - swim with sharks (well, at least cage diving anyway)
#15 - go scuba diving again (i haven't been for 6 years!)
#16 - learn french, enough to hold a decent conversation
#17 - compete in and finish a half marathon
#18 - write a letter to all the people in my life that i am close to, telling them what i appreciate about each    
       of them
#19 - learn a new sport
#20 - learn to surf (and NOT be scared of the sharks)
#21 - get back into dancing.  i will find a class and attend it - regularly.
#22 - lose 10kgs
#23 - have an overseas holiday with my 2 sisters
#24 - treat my bestie to something amazing (that she really needs)
#25 - set up an album where i take and print one picture every day - showing a highlight from that day
#26 - start writing a book
#27 - go on a Volunteer holiday with the hubby
#28 - be able to bait my own hook (this is one for the hubby, he'll be so please, haha)
#29 - donate $500 to a local charity
#30 - have a baby (or at least get pregnant by the time i'm 30)


so. that was harder than i thought it was going to be. writing a list of things i want to do before i die would have been a bit easier. but then, i guess, we never know when we're going to die.

i leave Germany tomorrow, land back in Aotearoa on Thursday. next week my 30 before 30 mission begins. who knows, if i achieve all of these things before 30, i might even keep going and lengthen my list to 100 things to do before i die.

we need to live our life while we are alive. otherwise what's the point?
get some direction. i've got mine now.


so…what is the one main thing you want to do before you die?

life

life is about making lots of mistakes.

and death is about wishing you'd made a whole lot more.

weekend..

this weekend has been full of ups and downs.

friday was meant to be the day i said goodbye to my mister.

but, delightfully, we were given another day together cos his work changed their mind on where they were sending him.

so. we got friday as a bonus.

saturday a.m was an early one. 5am awake. finalise packing. then i dropped him at the shuttle place in town.

tearful goodbye.

saying goodbye is hard. it never gets easier. 3 months apart is hard.

but this is all part of my journey. our journey. our life at the moment.

it's not forever.

i can't wait for the day when he comes home for good and there will be no more sad goodbyes.

countdown is on now....until i see my mister again.

but then i spent some time with some friends, which lifted my spirits.

laughs, great food, wine. was great to take my mind off the lonely times ahead.

tonight, though, my heart is lonely.

i look at the la-z-boy where he usually sits.

but he's not there.

i really REALLY hope these months go fast.

christmas is coming.

i just hope it hurries the frick up!