i was searching through my phone, and found a note that I had written almost a year ago.
i was a bit shocked. but i (unfortunately) remember feeling all of the things that i read.
it was a list of how i was feeling right after i was diagnosed with depression.
emptiness
unable to make deep connections, even with 'closest friends'
feeling of not belonging - anywhere
feeling of not being enough....good enough, funny enough, beautiful enough, etc.
feeling numb
lost sense of humour
feeling overwhelmed
feeling trapped in my own life
feeling like i just want out!
overwhelming sense of sadness
taking a long time to recover after any event (eg wedding, birthday, etc)
hard to shake the 'blues'.
i definitely remember a lot of those feelings. which is sad. considering who I used to be.
but. I can say that MOST of those feelings have either been chased away completely, or are more manageable now than they were a year ago.
i have made changes. some have hurt.
all have been necessary.
and i am proud of the leaps and bounds i have taken to get where i am today.
hopefully, the words from last year will be some enlightenment. depression is so hard to understand if you've never had it. it's so hard to really explain the depth of the darkness. and it is definitely NOT something you would wish someone could experience just so they would understand.
I'm determined not to go back to how things were a year ago.
onwards and upwards
new beginnings are the cure for bad endings.
i'm done with looking back.
No comments:
Post a Comment